Truth is.. I don't know anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.
A lot has been happening and I haven't been completely truthful here.
Oh God, I just hope it works out in the end.... even though it is going to be hurtful...
Friday, 19 October 2012
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Day 6 on HRT 18/10/2012
Today was a dozy
Woke up in the morning feeling groggy but otherwise fine. The pills doesn't seem to have any effects on me and all the corset does it just hurts me. Anyway I was late so I was trying to find parking at a near by bank to update my bankbook. Finally updated and had a snack at a nearby shop.
Later went straight to fetch my girlfriend. Originally there was suppose to be an appointment with S. Sadly she was busy and we have to postpone it tomorrow. It was to go to the clinic to get hormone injections. I was so hyped about it. Luckily she says Friday is okay. So Friday it is then.
I fetched my girlfriend and we hung in college for some time. She needed to meet the teacher who gave her bad marks. Thank god, the teacher missed something and now my girlfriend is happy.
But it didn't end up so well later as we argued. We finally made up to each in the end. And now it's already the 19/10/2012.
All it took was 3 hours. Anyway, see you all soon. Darn sleepy at the moment.
Woke up in the morning feeling groggy but otherwise fine. The pills doesn't seem to have any effects on me and all the corset does it just hurts me. Anyway I was late so I was trying to find parking at a near by bank to update my bankbook. Finally updated and had a snack at a nearby shop.
Later went straight to fetch my girlfriend. Originally there was suppose to be an appointment with S. Sadly she was busy and we have to postpone it tomorrow. It was to go to the clinic to get hormone injections. I was so hyped about it. Luckily she says Friday is okay. So Friday it is then.
I fetched my girlfriend and we hung in college for some time. She needed to meet the teacher who gave her bad marks. Thank god, the teacher missed something and now my girlfriend is happy.
But it didn't end up so well later as we argued. We finally made up to each in the end. And now it's already the 19/10/2012.
All it took was 3 hours. Anyway, see you all soon. Darn sleepy at the moment.
Wednesday, 17 October 2012
Day 5 on HRT 17/10/2012
Pills didn't seem to have any changes again. Sad.
Anyway, I woke up earlier than I was supposed to. I wore my silk kimono nightie (Funny fact I managed to lie to my parents who don't know that I am on HRT by the way that it felt very smooth and comfortable in it.) and wore my corset underneath. It was excruciatingly tight. I then adjusted it a bit and then went back to sleep.
I woke up just around 30 minutes later to find out my mom woke me up since we needed to go to the Immigration department to renew my passport. So I hid away and changed my clothes and went on the way to the place.
Arrived there got my photo taken. I look weird but who cares it's not like I am going to wave my passport photo around. So anyway, we waited for the application form for renewal to go through. Due to terrible luck, there was a blackout and now an hour passed and I am late to fetch my beloved. Damn these places. Now she's unhappy at home. I miss her so much. Seeing her smile in the morning makes me feel like the Queen of the World. She's sounded a bit unhappy too when I called her. I hate making my baby sad.
So anyway I found my baby. She's sad but I made everything better eventually. It took a long time. She was depressed not only about this but because her lecturer is mean and evil! She might be failing two subjects. Stupid racist evil lecturers. Later we went to sleep at my house. Just a nice peaceful sleep.
Then later we cooked dinner (Just prawn noodles and a lot of onions and some sunny side up eggs). It was delicious and then I fetched her home and then fetched my brother home and the end.
Quite an uneventful day.
Anyway, I woke up earlier than I was supposed to. I wore my silk kimono nightie (Funny fact I managed to lie to my parents who don't know that I am on HRT by the way that it felt very smooth and comfortable in it.) and wore my corset underneath. It was excruciatingly tight. I then adjusted it a bit and then went back to sleep.
I woke up just around 30 minutes later to find out my mom woke me up since we needed to go to the Immigration department to renew my passport. So I hid away and changed my clothes and went on the way to the place.
Arrived there got my photo taken. I look weird but who cares it's not like I am going to wave my passport photo around. So anyway, we waited for the application form for renewal to go through. Due to terrible luck, there was a blackout and now an hour passed and I am late to fetch my beloved. Damn these places. Now she's unhappy at home. I miss her so much. Seeing her smile in the morning makes me feel like the Queen of the World. She's sounded a bit unhappy too when I called her. I hate making my baby sad.
So anyway I found my baby. She's sad but I made everything better eventually. It took a long time. She was depressed not only about this but because her lecturer is mean and evil! She might be failing two subjects. Stupid racist evil lecturers. Later we went to sleep at my house. Just a nice peaceful sleep.
Then later we cooked dinner (Just prawn noodles and a lot of onions and some sunny side up eggs). It was delicious and then I fetched her home and then fetched my brother home and the end.
Quite an uneventful day.
Tuesday, 16 October 2012
Day 4 on HRT 16/10/2012
Today I woke up feeling fine and noticed that my facial hair grows slower. (Shaved the day I started HRT) Well so far there are no actual changes but being on HRT makes me feel so free. After that I received a call from my BFF/Girlfriend (Guess you didn't expected that!). Telling me we will be together even if I change. Thank god Islam has a special rule for trans people.
Now I am on my way to her house to pick her up so we can go to A&W. Those delicious dogs. Yum yum. Hot.....mmmm....Delicious. Actually at this moment in time. I am typing this post on my iPad. I am doing this so I won't forget things.
Okay, I picked her up and we both went to A&W and ate delicious dogs. Then we went to college and now currently I am in her class. I really need to start doing my assignment soon.
After class, I went into an empty class room with my BFF/Girlfriend and just chat while watching Gintama (Oh my god, I love Gintama so so much). Then later we packed up our stuff and went to The Summit USJ and went to look around for clothes and stuff.
We later ate dinner at the Bamboo Garden at the LG floor. She ate Tom Yam Beehon and I ate Sambal Sotong with Rice. We shared a plate of steamed egg with Century egg and Salted Eggs cooked with it.
It was very nice. Then we shopped for a corset.
I will tell you wearing a corset is suffocating. But it feels right somehow. We then watched more Gintama and then finally I fetched her home and now I am home and I am beat.
I hope you enjoy reading this. If you don't, then oh well. It's just not your cup of tea then.
Now I am on my way to her house to pick her up so we can go to A&W. Those delicious dogs. Yum yum. Hot.....mmmm....Delicious. Actually at this moment in time. I am typing this post on my iPad. I am doing this so I won't forget things.
Okay, I picked her up and we both went to A&W and ate delicious dogs. Then we went to college and now currently I am in her class. I really need to start doing my assignment soon.
After class, I went into an empty class room with my BFF/Girlfriend and just chat while watching Gintama (Oh my god, I love Gintama so so much). Then later we packed up our stuff and went to The Summit USJ and went to look around for clothes and stuff.
We later ate dinner at the Bamboo Garden at the LG floor. She ate Tom Yam Beehon and I ate Sambal Sotong with Rice. We shared a plate of steamed egg with Century egg and Salted Eggs cooked with it.
It was very nice. Then we shopped for a corset.
I will tell you wearing a corset is suffocating. But it feels right somehow. We then watched more Gintama and then finally I fetched her home and now I am home and I am beat.
I hope you enjoy reading this. If you don't, then oh well. It's just not your cup of tea then.
Monday, 15 October 2012
Gaming Rant
Okay! Just wondering if anyone who actually read my blog actually reads.
Here is where I will post my Nintendo 3DS Friend-code and also my Pokemon Black 2 Pal-Pad code.
Before I forget facebook too!
The more the Merrier!
(3DS Friend Code)Natalrath 4768-7484-6150
(Pokemon Black 2 Pal Pad Code) Neliara 2366-3495-3431
My facebook! http://www.facebook.com/natalie.rath.902
That's all!
Here is where I will post my Nintendo 3DS Friend-code and also my Pokemon Black 2 Pal-Pad code.
Before I forget facebook too!
The more the Merrier!
(3DS Friend Code)Natalrath 4768-7484-6150
(Pokemon Black 2 Pal Pad Code) Neliara 2366-3495-3431
My facebook! http://www.facebook.com/natalie.rath.902
That's all!
Day 3 on HRT 15/10/2012
After an intense night of sleep. I finally woke up. But since I needed to fetch a friend. I quickly finish the toast my father made for me and just took another pill finishing my breakfast with cold water (not a healthy habit).
I still feel tired and being stuck in college without an empty socket for my laptop adapter I can't finish my assignment. Oh well tomorrow then. I plan to go buy some stuff later for some personal grooming to do.
Later I went to college I was so tired, I found an empty classroom with my BFF. We then went in there turn on the air-conditioner and slept. I had to sleep on some very hard table. But at least manage to get some sleep.
After hanging out with my BFF some more longer. I later called S to ask her about the hormone injection. So she was like I got an extra hormone injection so why not on Thursday we go to the clinic and get it injected. Hopefully I am free on Thursday. Or Friday. Whichever works. I am planning to buy a pack of injections.
I need more. But of course injected moderately. Anyway this is today's blog post! I hope you enjoy reading it.
P.S If you wonder why my English is terrible. Wonder no more, it is.
I still feel tired and being stuck in college without an empty socket for my laptop adapter I can't finish my assignment. Oh well tomorrow then. I plan to go buy some stuff later for some personal grooming to do.
Later I went to college I was so tired, I found an empty classroom with my BFF. We then went in there turn on the air-conditioner and slept. I had to sleep on some very hard table. But at least manage to get some sleep.
After hanging out with my BFF some more longer. I later called S to ask her about the hormone injection. So she was like I got an extra hormone injection so why not on Thursday we go to the clinic and get it injected. Hopefully I am free on Thursday. Or Friday. Whichever works. I am planning to buy a pack of injections.
I need more. But of course injected moderately. Anyway this is today's blog post! I hope you enjoy reading it.
P.S If you wonder why my English is terrible. Wonder no more, it is.
Sunday, 14 October 2012
Day 2 on HRT 14/10/2012
Ha..... Hmm..... Ho....... Well today in the bright morning I woke up feeling that I slept a good night sleep. It was either because of the yasmin I took before bed yesterday night or because that I finally found someone to help me. Either way. For some reason I feel hmmmmmm......normal.
Well I am learning Psychology maybe I just don't know or nothing is really happening.
Anyway I am working on Saturday and Sunday. That's where I met S (her name is blocked for privacy reasons. She's shy.) Today I met S when we both have our lunch and we just talked.
I was too curious about everything about her to my surprise she was willing to share all of it with me. Then we spent some time talking about Gaffs and Corset and even Wedding Dress. She has a friend who is so lucky who married a divorced man in Austria and living happily now.
Then we later spent time trying to find a ladyboy dating site. She really wants to meet someone who appreciates her for who she is. I too want to find my one and only.
She is going back to meet her family in Rawang. But before we sat with each other and talked. She told me she can help me get from her friend hormone injections! I can hardly wait for it. I am like a baby wanting more and more candy. For now I will just stick to the pills. Before I forget I love S's hairstyles. She looks so pretty in them.
On other news, it turns out a research done in Malaysia shows that 10 percent of University students in Malaysia secretly desire to change their gender. I found it through google. Wow.
Overall today was pretty much normal.
Anyway I am working on Saturday and Sunday. That's where I met S (her name is blocked for privacy reasons. She's shy.) Today I met S when we both have our lunch and we just talked.
I was too curious about everything about her to my surprise she was willing to share all of it with me. Then we spent some time talking about Gaffs and Corset and even Wedding Dress. She has a friend who is so lucky who married a divorced man in Austria and living happily now.
Then we later spent time trying to find a ladyboy dating site. She really wants to meet someone who appreciates her for who she is. I too want to find my one and only.
She is going back to meet her family in Rawang. But before we sat with each other and talked. She told me she can help me get from her friend hormone injections! I can hardly wait for it. I am like a baby wanting more and more candy. For now I will just stick to the pills. Before I forget I love S's hairstyles. She looks so pretty in them.
On other news, it turns out a research done in Malaysia shows that 10 percent of University students in Malaysia secretly desire to change their gender. I found it through google. Wow.
Overall today was pretty much normal.
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Just some random rant.
I started now because a few days ago I fell into deep depression. I spent all my time only crossdressing. Which is so sad. I wanted to come out a long time ago when I was a kid. But nothing happen due to me being afraid all the darn time. I was lying to myself it would be fine. But nothing was fine.
Then suddenly many years have passed now I am in college. I felt the same when I was a kid. I broke down and cried because my friends the same all grew up into butterflies. While I am not even in a cocoon yet. Where I went I felt like crying, it was as if God were putting signs telling me to do it.
And then the biggest sign of all came. A beautiful woman stood nearly 6 feet tall. I thought she was a model. But then she was just like me trapped in this body. She gave me tips and help. Right now I plan to take pills for some time so only later I will show my parents who I really am.
I mean I am a tomboy in a way, it's like those tomboyish girls with this secret desire to be a princess. That's me! That's mostly likely why my parents know nothing.
Then suddenly many years have passed now I am in college. I felt the same when I was a kid. I broke down and cried because my friends the same all grew up into butterflies. While I am not even in a cocoon yet. Where I went I felt like crying, it was as if God were putting signs telling me to do it.
And then the biggest sign of all came. A beautiful woman stood nearly 6 feet tall. I thought she was a model. But then she was just like me trapped in this body. She gave me tips and help. Right now I plan to take pills for some time so only later I will show my parents who I really am.
I mean I am a tomboy in a way, it's like those tomboyish girls with this secret desire to be a princess. That's me! That's mostly likely why my parents know nothing.
Day 1 on HRT 13/10/2012
Dear World. My name is Natalie Rath (Obviously not my real name but I honestly think it is a beautiful name and I am asian so no way my name is anywhere close to that). I am not a girl not yet a woman but I plan to. Someday. I live in Malaysia, Cheras Area. This is my blog to keep record of what I am going through. I plan to express myself truthfully no more lies to myself or anyone.
Today I met a person. She was like me. Trapped in her own body. I was very shy. So I kept pestering her with messages about showing her my drawing. (She was drawing at the time) Actually I can't even show it to her. But I finally muster up to college to ask her.. whether she is Post Op. She did the most kindest thing. She explained to me everything. She even told me that she could help me. I shared with her my past. So she brought me to the pharmacy and told me. If you really are sure, then this is what you should take. So today marks the day I found someone like me not only that I started HRT. I will start taking photos everyday from now onward to see how much it changes me. I hope it does.
A truthful experience from me.
I had a bad experience with men last time so I found myself no longer attracted to men (Actually I don't think I ever did). However I am not attracted to women. Well except one person who I found to only be able to warm my heart. Now I am not sure whether I will be able to see her tomorrow. She got mad today because of personal reasons I can not say. I contributed to that problem and I caused it.
It is my fault and she got every right to be mad at me for that. However... she is a bit panicky so she assumed somethings that she think is happening. I don't know what is happening but I did told her to stay away from it. I miss her already. She was the only one I ever felt warm with. Now she's mad.. I hope I can be with her again. I love her so much. I need her so much....
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