When I was out in class today...
My entire wardrobe and drawers full of my clothes, makeup, accessories even including all of Roxy's gifts all taken away by my father.
It hurts. Everything is gone except my Silk Kimono which I wear to sleep everyday. Tonight I will sleep crying. It hurts. It hurts... so much.
My father asked me to man up and when I cried in front of him, he scolded me.
My mother just thinks I'm crazy somewhat.
It's too much for me to write for now...
Sunday, 30 December 2012
Saturday, 29 December 2012
Confused at the moment.
Not about my gender if you're wondering. It's something else. I want to sperm freeze my sperm... but I need to stop HRT but I need money for it which I don't have.
Argggghhh!
Argggghhh!
Friday, 21 December 2012
Day 37 on HRT 21/12.2012
Dear Blog,
Sorry but something came up. It's too painful to write it out.
It's just something I needed to do and of all people I trust and believe the most.
I can't do it even when I needed to. I am just going to spend tomorrow crying.
Natalie Rath
Sorry but something came up. It's too painful to write it out.
It's just something I needed to do and of all people I trust and believe the most.
I can't do it even when I needed to. I am just going to spend tomorrow crying.
Natalie Rath
Thursday, 20 December 2012
Day 36 on HRT 20/12/12
Dear Blog,
Today morning was terrible. I woke up late and had to rush my brother. (I was suppose to drop him off at the area around the college he attend to.) We quickly drove off. I was suppose to fetch Roxy but I knew there wasn't enough time. I quickly called her mother to get her to college instead.
But that didn't happen. Roxy was sick. Well she pretended to be sick. So she decided to sleep in instead since she spent the entire night playing The Sims 3. So she slept while I drove slowly and slowly to Kurt's intended destination first. I reached there suddenly felt like eating the Double Down KFC Burger (No buns just fried chicken patty on top and bottom with beef bacon in the middle.) but sadly they don't sell it during the morning since the breakfast meals only available at that time.
My brother went down to check for me but since they didn't have it I told him don't buy anything. He bought something and he gave me a hash-brown that was suppose to go with the set. I thanked him for it. It was delicious. Freshly cooked hash-brown is yummy. So I dropped him off to meet his friends and I head towards Roxy's home. Since Roxy told me in the morning she wanted to eat subway sandwiches, I went ahead and bought it earlier because I was afraid I would take some time with Jessa.
Anyway I met Jessa and got my injection. (I somehow feel insecure without it. Hormone injections give me a sense of security.) We talked a bit. Sadly, she was pissed off. Some guy she met on some dating website was treating her like a sex object. He called her while she was getting ready for my injection and she sounded real angry. He was mentioning to her that he wants to see her and he's horny and stupid perverted bastard stuff to her. She turned off her phone after that.
Once the injection was done, I thanked her profusely and went on my way to meet Roxy. Sadly Roxy forgot to turn her phone profile from silent to loud. So I couldn't contact her for the next 2 hours. I woke up to find Roxy calling me. She was very sorry for that. I was fine with that. I fetched her and then we ate the subway sandwiches on the way.
We were going to Times Square, there I bought myself a nice long-sleeve blouse. (Black in the middle with white sleeves.) and a black tights. I couldn't find women size 11 or 12 shoes. I curse my stupid large feet. I hate them sooo much. Roxy bought 4 blouses which all of them are very nice. (I would have tried to describe it by my stupid memory is very lousy.) Roxy wanted to buy me some unisex jewelry so I can wear it without people staring. (She wants me to at least dress as a guy in college and certain occasions as she deem as dangerous. [It's because there are people around college that knows her parents. If anyone reports it to her father, {Who pretty much hates me.} the relationship will turn sour real quick.])
But we end up empty handed, the jewelry at Times Square we just really feminine ones. So she plans to get one somewhere else. I then went around buying fake eyelashes, eyelash glue, anti-static hairbrush for my wig, some nice nail polish. I bought brighter ones this time. The black nail polish with glitter was just too showy Roxy says. At least pink, crimson red and transparent glitter nail polish was less showy. I also got myself a pair of contacts. (I am buying all of these for Comic Fiesta 2012 on Saturday and Sunday where I will be wearing my gothic lolita clothes. That reminds me, I need to fix my hat the string snapped.)
We then later went to eat at Sakae Sushi and then had some Tau Fu Fah for dessert. Both of the food quality was terrible at Times Square. So we promised to ourselves no way in god's green earth are we going to eat there. I then drove Roxy home. We practically got stuck in traffic jams everywhere. We decide to take a detour to The Summit to buy actually nice Tau Fu Fah.
It was delicious. I then drove her home. I fetched her back home. We kissed a few times and hugged before dropping her off. I then had to fetch my brother Kurt and two of his friends back home. After sending my brother's friends back home, me and my brother drove back home. It took some time since there was still some traffic but finally we did.
I quickly removed my nail polish intending to put on the new ones I bought. But I thought better not. I will do it tomorrow. I chat my Roxy and now I am intending to sleep. It's 2.43 a.m. I woke up late because my alarm didn't ring. I set it to 9 a.m which I was suppose to set it to 6.45 a.m (Traffic is congested but not too bad that time.)
Anyway Good Night Blog!
Natalie Rath
Today morning was terrible. I woke up late and had to rush my brother. (I was suppose to drop him off at the area around the college he attend to.) We quickly drove off. I was suppose to fetch Roxy but I knew there wasn't enough time. I quickly called her mother to get her to college instead.
But that didn't happen. Roxy was sick. Well she pretended to be sick. So she decided to sleep in instead since she spent the entire night playing The Sims 3. So she slept while I drove slowly and slowly to Kurt's intended destination first. I reached there suddenly felt like eating the Double Down KFC Burger (No buns just fried chicken patty on top and bottom with beef bacon in the middle.) but sadly they don't sell it during the morning since the breakfast meals only available at that time.
My brother went down to check for me but since they didn't have it I told him don't buy anything. He bought something and he gave me a hash-brown that was suppose to go with the set. I thanked him for it. It was delicious. Freshly cooked hash-brown is yummy. So I dropped him off to meet his friends and I head towards Roxy's home. Since Roxy told me in the morning she wanted to eat subway sandwiches, I went ahead and bought it earlier because I was afraid I would take some time with Jessa.
Anyway I met Jessa and got my injection. (I somehow feel insecure without it. Hormone injections give me a sense of security.) We talked a bit. Sadly, she was pissed off. Some guy she met on some dating website was treating her like a sex object. He called her while she was getting ready for my injection and she sounded real angry. He was mentioning to her that he wants to see her and he's horny and stupid perverted bastard stuff to her. She turned off her phone after that.
Once the injection was done, I thanked her profusely and went on my way to meet Roxy. Sadly Roxy forgot to turn her phone profile from silent to loud. So I couldn't contact her for the next 2 hours. I woke up to find Roxy calling me. She was very sorry for that. I was fine with that. I fetched her and then we ate the subway sandwiches on the way.
We were going to Times Square, there I bought myself a nice long-sleeve blouse. (Black in the middle with white sleeves.) and a black tights. I couldn't find women size 11 or 12 shoes. I curse my stupid large feet. I hate them sooo much. Roxy bought 4 blouses which all of them are very nice. (I would have tried to describe it by my stupid memory is very lousy.) Roxy wanted to buy me some unisex jewelry so I can wear it without people staring. (She wants me to at least dress as a guy in college and certain occasions as she deem as dangerous. [It's because there are people around college that knows her parents. If anyone reports it to her father, {Who pretty much hates me.} the relationship will turn sour real quick.])
But we end up empty handed, the jewelry at Times Square we just really feminine ones. So she plans to get one somewhere else. I then went around buying fake eyelashes, eyelash glue, anti-static hairbrush for my wig, some nice nail polish. I bought brighter ones this time. The black nail polish with glitter was just too showy Roxy says. At least pink, crimson red and transparent glitter nail polish was less showy. I also got myself a pair of contacts. (I am buying all of these for Comic Fiesta 2012 on Saturday and Sunday where I will be wearing my gothic lolita clothes. That reminds me, I need to fix my hat the string snapped.)
We then later went to eat at Sakae Sushi and then had some Tau Fu Fah for dessert. Both of the food quality was terrible at Times Square. So we promised to ourselves no way in god's green earth are we going to eat there. I then drove Roxy home. We practically got stuck in traffic jams everywhere. We decide to take a detour to The Summit to buy actually nice Tau Fu Fah.
It was delicious. I then drove her home. I fetched her back home. We kissed a few times and hugged before dropping her off. I then had to fetch my brother Kurt and two of his friends back home. After sending my brother's friends back home, me and my brother drove back home. It took some time since there was still some traffic but finally we did.
I quickly removed my nail polish intending to put on the new ones I bought. But I thought better not. I will do it tomorrow. I chat my Roxy and now I am intending to sleep. It's 2.43 a.m. I woke up late because my alarm didn't ring. I set it to 9 a.m which I was suppose to set it to 6.45 a.m (Traffic is congested but not too bad that time.)
Anyway Good Night Blog!
Natalie Rath
Wednesday, 19 December 2012
Day 35 on HRT 19/12/12
Dear Blog,
Woke up groggy and tired today. I did wake up at 9 a.m after all after sleeping around 2 am. My nail polish on my nails were terrible. (I did it around 1 a.m.) It's my first time in a long time since I ever put nail polish. It was pretty messy. I had to keep redoing it but still it looks terrible and not only that it feels rough. It wasn't smooth at all. Oh well... I will just have to keep practicing and get better at applying nail polish.
Note to self: I should probably buy base coat for my nails or maybe I should have started NOT using black nail polish. Lesson learned.
Anyway I woke up and check my computer first, torrents were not even moving at all. I need seeders darn it. So I was getting ready, I wore my waist trimmer and my bandages around my nipples. (There are like small little bulges) I tend wore a simple black,white and red stripped chiffon t-shirt and grey long pants. (Sucks)
Then I was off to go to service my car. It took an hour to finish. I spent my time reading on fictionmania. I spent quite a lot of my time there nowadays. I am thinking of writing some stories or maybe start drawing so I can write and maybe illustrate my stories...or just make a comic out of it.
After it was done, I drove off to meet my lovely Roxie! I drove and drove through thick and thin traffic and finally picked her up and we drove off to college. We eat Fried Indonesian Instant Noodles with Super Hot spices at a nearby cafe then only we went to college. We both sat in an empty classroom and just hanged out till her extra class started. I went to meet some of the Anime Club guys and hung out with them as we talk about Pacific Rim and The Hobbit while I was playing Dragon Age Origins.
I then took my leave as Roxy finishes her class. I grabbed her and drove her back to the McDonalds near her home. We took a nap first in the car and when it was finally dinner and the promotions were on. I bought a double cheeseburger meal for her and I got myself a Prosperity Burger meal. We then drove near her home where the apartments there and ate there. Then after we're done I dropped her off at home and we kissed as we parted ways. But not for long.....
It turns out she left her phone in my car and since her father didn't really like me much. I had to sneak in and give it to her and quickly left. I then went to Jessa's house to get my weekly dose of hormones injection but sadly she ran out of hormones. Her friend was supposed to give it to her but because she had to rush to her friend Jessa's friend couldn't make it. I understand, if my Roxy were to have any problems I would rush straight to her too.
So we arranged to meet up tomorrow at around 10. Later turns out, Roxy's father went out to eat late dinner. So I came by, and hung out with her for a while. After much hugging and kissing, I left because I didn't want to risk bumping into her father. So I drove back home and got stuck in some jam.
I came back home to find my & my brother's room dark. He went out with my dad. But it was my surprise when I came to my everything on it table to find a package that says Merry Christmas. I was so shocked to find it. He wrapped it with tissues and wrote Merry Christmas using my nail polish. It just made my heart feel a jumpy and I feel so happy.
I unwrapped it and looked at it. He got me the Mass Effect Trilogy! I got so happy I practically squealed. My dad got me some food and I ate it because I was hungry. I thanked my brother and I proceeded to installing the games. I took a nice long shower and then I continued talking to Roxy on skype while reading some stories on fictionmania. Now it's already 2 a.m and I need to wake up at 6.30 a.m
Good night Blog~ Will write in you again tomorrow!
Natalie Rath
Then I was off to go to service my car. It took an hour to finish. I spent my time reading on fictionmania. I spent quite a lot of my time there nowadays. I am thinking of writing some stories or maybe start drawing so I can write and maybe illustrate my stories...or just make a comic out of it.
After it was done, I drove off to meet my lovely Roxie! I drove and drove through thick and thin traffic and finally picked her up and we drove off to college. We eat Fried Indonesian Instant Noodles with Super Hot spices at a nearby cafe then only we went to college. We both sat in an empty classroom and just hanged out till her extra class started. I went to meet some of the Anime Club guys and hung out with them as we talk about Pacific Rim and The Hobbit while I was playing Dragon Age Origins.
I then took my leave as Roxy finishes her class. I grabbed her and drove her back to the McDonalds near her home. We took a nap first in the car and when it was finally dinner and the promotions were on. I bought a double cheeseburger meal for her and I got myself a Prosperity Burger meal. We then drove near her home where the apartments there and ate there. Then after we're done I dropped her off at home and we kissed as we parted ways. But not for long.....
It turns out she left her phone in my car and since her father didn't really like me much. I had to sneak in and give it to her and quickly left. I then went to Jessa's house to get my weekly dose of hormones injection but sadly she ran out of hormones. Her friend was supposed to give it to her but because she had to rush to her friend Jessa's friend couldn't make it. I understand, if my Roxy were to have any problems I would rush straight to her too.
So we arranged to meet up tomorrow at around 10. Later turns out, Roxy's father went out to eat late dinner. So I came by, and hung out with her for a while. After much hugging and kissing, I left because I didn't want to risk bumping into her father. So I drove back home and got stuck in some jam.
I came back home to find my & my brother's room dark. He went out with my dad. But it was my surprise when I came to my everything on it table to find a package that says Merry Christmas. I was so shocked to find it. He wrapped it with tissues and wrote Merry Christmas using my nail polish. It just made my heart feel a jumpy and I feel so happy.
I unwrapped it and looked at it. He got me the Mass Effect Trilogy! I got so happy I practically squealed. My dad got me some food and I ate it because I was hungry. I thanked my brother and I proceeded to installing the games. I took a nice long shower and then I continued talking to Roxy on skype while reading some stories on fictionmania. Now it's already 2 a.m and I need to wake up at 6.30 a.m
Good night Blog~ Will write in you again tomorrow!
Natalie Rath
Tuesday, 18 December 2012
Day 34 on HRT 18/12/12
Dear Blog,
My exams are finally finished. Wooooooohoooooo~ Yippee! I bought some nail polish and I want to wear them! Shiny black nail polish.
Since my exams are finally over, it's safe to say I will be uploading new posts in my blog starting from tomorrow.
P.S Roxie is no longer mad at me. In fact we are as happy as ever. Love~
Bye bye~
Natalie Rath
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Day 20 on HRT 4/12/12
I am here to report that today, I am in heat. My nipples been very sensitive the entire day and wearing a T-shirt over it and the constant rubbing from the T-shirt is not helping at all.
I am feeling so darn hot. Worse time as I made Roxie mad at me for something again.
Why I am such a screw-up?
I am feeling so darn hot. Worse time as I made Roxie mad at me for something again.
Why I am such a screw-up?
Monday, 3 December 2012
Day 13 on HRT 27/11/12
Woke up in the morning at 6 am. Feeling damn well tired but drove fine to college today. When I reached college I went to sleep for a while and later when I woke up I went to the Oishi Bun cafe. I ordered eggs, hot dog, toast and also hash brown.
And the rest is a blur. I can't bloody remember. This is what happens when I get too busy and forget to write it all down. I am so sorry people for the internet. Will write more. Currently in my exam period. Will resume after it.
And the rest is a blur. I can't bloody remember. This is what happens when I get too busy and forget to write it all down. I am so sorry people for the internet. Will write more. Currently in my exam period. Will resume after it.
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